The Jedi Way: For Better or For Worse
by Jedimastersandy
Summary: after a personal tragedy, can Obi-Wan and Qui-gon realize their mistakes before it's too late?


Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars, otherwise Clone Wars wouldn't have happened. The greatest trilogies ever made belong to the great Master himself, George Lucas.

A/N: To those of you who have read the Jedi Apprentice series, all the characters will be familiar to you. For those of you who haven't, here's an overview. Tahl is Qui-Gon's childhood friend, with whom he is in love. She is kidnapped and tortured to death, dying in Qui-Gon's arms. Xanatos is Qui-Gon's first Apprentice. He turned to the Dark Side and Qui-Gon pushed himself beyond endurance in order to forget his, in his eyes, failure.

FOR BETTER OR WORSE

As he stepped off the transport on to the Temple's landing platform, Qui-Gon Jinn closed his eyes and sighed. He knew he should be happy to be back home after seven months in the field, but he also knew it would bring back unwanted memories. Exactly seven months before, his only love –Jedi Mater Tahl- had died in his arms. In an attempt to deal with his grief, he had taken on mission after mission. If he was busy enough, he didn't have time to think about her. A noise to his left drew his attention to his now-fifteen year old Apprentice. The rumpled teen looked longingly toward the gilded doors.

"Glad to be back?" Qui-Gon asked with a tiny smile. Obi-Wan nodded, then yawned. He instantly blushed beet-red, embarrassed at showing his weakness. Qui-Gon just laid a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. "After we report to the Council, we are officially on vacation." he declared.

To the chagrin of his Master, Obi-Wan's only response was to nod his head and start toward the Temple. Qui-Gon followed, eager to start the vacation so he could leave again.

"Why wish you a vacation to take?" the diminutive green Master questioned Qui-Gon from his seat at the head of the Jedi Council chamber. Turning his gaze on Yoda, Qui-Gon calmly replied that he felt Obi-Wan was becoming overly exhausted and needed a break. He felt his Padawan stiffen at his side, but refused to even glance in the youth's direction. However, his reaction was not ignored by the Council members. Yoda turned his wrinkled face toward the Padawan.

"Feel you, that in need of a vacation, you are?" the tone told Obi-Wan that whatever he said would be the final decision of the Council.

"No, Master. I feel perfectly fit to remain active, but will accept the decision to be put on leave if that is what you decide." Always the negotiator, Obi-Wan tried to please everyone and glowed when he felt a (very) brief flash of pride from Qui-Gon.

"Very well." Mace now picked up the thread of conversation. "You will leave on a mission in the morning." With a bow, the team left the Council chambers and headed toward the turbolift that would take them to their quarters. Once they were inside, Qui-Gon pushed the button for the training salle instead of the level their apartment was on.

"You need to practice your katas." Qui-Gon explained when Obi-Wan turned his questioning gaze at the older man. Obi-Wan just turned his gaze to the floor and nodded his assent. After seeing that his student was practicing diligently, Qui-Gon left promising to return and check in on Obi-Wan within the hour. Gazing after him briefly, Obi-Wan hoped that his decision to suggest returning to the Temple was a good idea.

Qui-Gon's intention when he left the salle was to return to their apartment and meditate, but long habit took his feet to the apartment that used to belong to the Uvain/Eerin team. Now, the plaque had been changed to reflect that Padawan Eerin now had a new Master. He turned away from the image blurred by tears as quickly as he could while still maintaining his dignity. He found his way to a small, abandoned meditation garden, where he promptly burst into tears. After crying himself dry, he lost himself in the rapture of the Force.

Obi-Wan crashed painfully to his knees on the padded mats, chest heaving. His lightsaber clattered to the floor, the hollow clang echoing in the deserted room. Closing his eyes, he fell into a shallow meditation to overcome the worst of his fatigue. Before he could do more than slow his breathing, he was pulled out by the soft sound of his Master entering. Rising swiftly on shaky legs, he replaced his lightsaber on his belt. Qui-Gon jerked his head and indicated that they should return to their apartment. He was pleased the even though he was several hours later than he had said, Obi-Wan had taken the initiative and meditated.

Obi-Wan tried to shift his weight without his Master noticing. When Qui-Gon glanced his way, he sighed. Three days into the peace talks and still nothing had been resolved. The root issue was fairly simple –a border dispute- but things had gotten complicated when the daughter of one of the ambassadors was kidnapped. He had refused to continue with the peace talks until his child was found. So, naturally, the talk of locating the wayward child fell to the Jedi team. Thus, they found themselves tracking a landspeeder across endless, grassy plains. Qui-Gon called a halt the second night, feeling that if they continued, they would miss the kidnappers. After dropping his pack in the grass, Obi-Wan sank down to the ground, hands clasped together to keep the tremors from being noticed. After a quick dinner of ration bars, the two Jedi lay down on the unforgiving ground to find a few hours rest. After the Master laid down, the student sent waves of love and support in the hopes it would drive away the nightmares the big man had suffered almost nightly since that fateful night.

Qui-Gon was awoken by a mental warning from the Force. He was on his feet, 'saber in hand and senses on alert, seconds before his Apprentice burst from the cover of the trees. When Qui-Gon reached for the training bond to ask Obi-Wan's opinion on when they might expect their uninvited guests, he was repulsed by very strong shields. In the seconds before their enemies arrived, Qui-Gon battered the shields keeping him from their bond. With one push, the mental barrier guarding his Apprentice's mind shattered and he knew exactly how tired his child was. Without warning, he was tackled to the ground by his Padawan, pinned beneath the weight of the youth.

He looked up to see Obi-Wan standing firm over his large form, blue lightsaber a beacon in the early morning gloom. Regaining his footing, Qui-Gon's green 'saber flew through the air, sending the red streaks of death back to the men crouching behind the foliage. Aware, now, that his charge was tired, Qui-Gon took extra care that his companion avoid the bolts. He maneuvered himself so he could see his child, even if he couldn't get to him. Once all the enemies were dead or had run away, the pair was able to stop and breathe. Obi-Wan quickly extinguished his blue blade, before his Master could see the trembles that fatigue and lack of sleep had brought to his hands. Calmly, he walked over toward their sleeping pallets and retrieved his pack.

"We should follow the survivors. They will lead us to the princess." Obi-Wan pronounced breathlessly, already heading in the direction they had gone. Qui-Gon silently followed suit, never taking his eyes off the boy. His voice just didn't sound right. Whether it was the exhaustion or something else, he didn't like it.

"Are you alright, my Padawan?" Qui-Gon tried to infuse his voice with all the fatherly concern he could.

"Ya. I'm fine." Obi-Wan replied in monotone. The boy then started down the well-disguised game trail toward the distant presence that was the princess. Qui-Gon silently followed, concerned that Obi-Wan wasn't telling him the whole truth. He unobtrusively Force-scanned his student and found, to his relief, no physical injuries. But, and this worried him more, he found that his Apprentice was tired. Exhausted. So tired that the boy could barely keep his eyes open but Qui-Gon clearly felt Obi-Wan's determination to stay awake until Qui-Gon decided to stop. Even though he wished noting more than to let the boy rest, he was puzzled. Hadn't Obi-Wan told the Council he didn't need a rest? Sighing, he decided he'd wait until they were both rested before he confronted the youth about his untruth.

"Let's rest. They won't go far in the daylight." Qui-Gon suggested as the first rays of morning tinted the clouds an ominous red. Obi looked at him, blue eyes transmitting his non-comprehension. Qui-Gon reached out and gently guided his student toward the leafy ground. Once he hit the ground, Obi-Wan's tired brain caught up with reality and he turned accusing eyes at his mentor.

"You need rest more than I do." Obi-Wan protested, struggling to his feet. "I'll take first watch." Then, the boy started into the forest to find wood for a fire so they could rest their travel weary bodies.

Qui-Gon bolted upright, 'saber ready. Ice blue eyes darted around the small clearing he had been waiting for his Apprentice in. Stilling his frantic thoughts, he reached out to the bond linking him and his charge. His response was a hurried acknowledgement and a very strong sense of danger. He took off running, leaving all their gear behind. Obi-Wan was in trouble and there was no way in all the Sith hells that Qui-Gon was going to let the fifteen year old boy fight by himself.

Breathing hard, Obi-Wan flipped over his opponent, stumbling as his tired legs threatened to mutiny. Spinning his lightsaber to the side, he sent a red bolt back to its sender. He barely managed to swing his leaden arms back forward to block another laser winging its way toward the youth. His tired mind stretched out along the training bond. He was glad when he connected to his Master, getting a questioning response. Before he could think, he was forced to divert his attention back to not being killed. He felt his Master acknowledge the danger his student was in and that he was on his way.

Qui-Gon skidded to a stop at the edge of the clearing, taking a few precious seconds to evaluate the situation. His valiant Padawan was defending himself against five blaster-wielding men. As he watched, Obi-Wan spun his blue blade around and reduced the number by one. He winced as a bolt whizzed by the boy's head, barely missing him. He rushed out of the foliage, green lightsaber almost lost in the bright green forest. At his appearance, all the surviving gunmen turned tail, wisely deciding not to tangle with the irate Jedi.

Obi-Wan watched them leave, slightly confused as to why. Behind him he heard a twig snap. He spun around a little too quickly and lost his balance, falling clumsily to the grass. Breathless, he looked up into the older man's ice blue eyes. Seeing no threat looming, the boy deactivated his 'saber, and lifted himself onto his knees.

"Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon walked over toward the boy, who hadn't moved. "Padawan? Are you injured?"

"No." the boy struggled to his feet, then swayed. If not for Qui-Gon's killer reflexes, the younger Jedi would have found himself flat on his face. The Master lowered the youngling to sit leaning against his chest.

"If you're not injured, why the nosedive?" as Qui-Gon had hoped, Obi-Wan laughed. It was not a laugh full of joy. It was the laugh of one who was laughing to replace tears. Qui-Gon glanced sideways at this student. The boy's voice was several octaves lover than normal, betraying his exhaustion. Despite this, the young Jedi struggled to his feet again.

"We're close. We need to hurry. They'll kill her if we don't hurry." Obi-Wan rambled between gasps for air. He took one step and his tired body collapsed again in a heap on the ground. He managed to keep his eyes open and his mind alert long enough to hear his Master whisper.

"Sleep, child. We will have much to talk about when you awake."

Obi-Wan stirred, but didn't' want to get up. He was comfortable and he didn't feel rested enough to have slept the whole night. As he rolled over, he felt the warmth he was laying on shift. His eyes snapped open, he bolted upright, and darted his gaze around the room. _Room? I fell asleep in the forest!_ Then he heard a sound and his eyes jumped toward the sound behind him, falling on his Master sprawled across the large bed, snoring. To a casual observer, he seemed perfectly content and unworried, but Obi-Wan's keen eyes saw the wrinkles in the Jedi robe and lack of sleep had painted his Master's face with purple shadows under the closed lids. Obi-wan slowly stood up, his legs oddly shaky for several hours of sleep. He staggered across the hall to the 'fresher.

As he emerged, he saw his Master sitting on the edge of the bed. Qui-Gon patted the mattress next to him. Obi-Wan slowly traversed the distance, knowing in his gut he wouldn't like this conversation. To his surprise, the first thing out of Qui-Gon's mouth was an apology.

"Why? What do you have to be sorry for?" Obi-Wan exclaimed, bewildered. "I'm the one who failed."

Jinn looked surprised. "How have you failed me, my Padawan? I'm the one who got so caught up in myself that I let you push yourself way beyond what's healthy. I'm sorry."

Obi-Wan didn't answer as he wiped tears from his bright green eyes. "I thought that's what you wanted." He said thickly. Before his Master could protest, he continued. "You were so depressed when Master Tahl died and you wanted to forget the way you did with Xanatos."

"Oh, Obi. **You** are the most important thing in my life. Nothing should ever make you afraid to admit you need a break." Obi-Wan nodded, unable to talk past the lump in his throat. He then launched himself into his father's arms, the team falling back on the bed, secure in the knowledge that they would be together-for better or for worse.

NOW! Go ahead and push the purple button and let me know what you thought. Remember, reviews feed the plot bunny! :


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